Saturday, August 02, 2008

First love

He was my first love. I say was not because he is no more but because our love is no more. Love, they say, is forever. I used to think so too. But i realised along the way that nothing is forever. It all comes to an end. Only the way it comes to an end differs. Sometimes it all comes crashing down in an instant. In other times, it slowly fades until there is nothing left. Ours ended the second way. I tried to fight it. So did he. Maybe we didn't try hard enough. Or maybe things were just not meant to be.

Anyway, I digress. So we fell in love. It was magical. We met through a common acquaintance whom we both never bothered to keep in touch with. It all started with the proverbial 'hey'. We lived in different worlds. He was philosophical. I was practical. He was a dreamer. I was one too. But we dreamed of different things. Somewhere along the way our dreams crossed paths. We would talk for hours together. About life, and love. About books, music and movies. About why elephants don't fly. About raindrops that carry messages. About sinful nights in dark, dense jungles. We would sing songs to each other. We would dance with each other. We would lie under the open skies, look at the stars and dream. Sometimes when he couldn't see the constellations i was seeing. We were sleeping under different skies you see. But we survived the distance. Or we thought we did.

Slowly, it all started fading away. It was so slow we hardly noticed - until it was too late. We started fighting over petty things. And then over bigger things. We got tired of each other, and of our squabbles. It wasn't a cute-little lover's tiff any more. It was just two grouchy people with differences that could never be resolved. The conversation died. We both stopped dreaming. And that's when it all ended. Almost as abruptly as it began. Boom! One day we both woke up and realised it was over. I called him up. One last time. I told him what i felt. He agreed. And that was the end.

Do I still love him? I often wonder about that. Maybe its true - love IS forever. In a sense, I'll never stop loving him. He will always be the guy of many firsts. But we both know it's over. And we both know there is nothing we can do about it. It was good while it lasted. And I savour every moment of it. Even the petty squabbles.

First love....sigh...

9 comments:

The Poet said...

well put!

Rajesh said...

Your post is about your first love..not hard to guess whos on your mind still..dun hurt someone else till you get over him..

S.Chandran said...

read the word soliloquy and guess who came to my mind...

Tifossi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
snigdha said...

its amazing how you could lay open your life and do it so beautifully. wish i wasn't such a private moron.
I almost choked.

Ayesha said...

This touched a chord. Really well phrased. Loved it. Please write more. I'll be back soon :)

lookwhosback said...

@ the poet: thankoo
@ rajesh: i shall try
@ s.chandran: who? who?
@tifossi: i have posted about why elephants don't fly in an earlier post. just search for it on the blog
@snigdha: thats a huge comliment coming form you. (hug)
@ayesha: sure will do. thanks

sruthi said...

ur blog reminds me of someone...:P:P
very nice!!

Anonymous said...

hey ur blog remind me about my past.......

It seems like you have written about me, me and my life.....

Archi