Friday, November 30, 2007


It is with much happiness that i announce the publication of my article in "The New Indian Express". And guess what. It's an article that you all must have read if you check my blog regularly enough. Yes, dear fellows, it's the previous article in the blog - Think Pink. It has come as a light piece in the editorial page. And much happiness ensues...Btw, it was on the November 29th issue. i m sorry but i couldnt find a link to that go dig up your newspaper and read it. or if u r too lazy, then read it on my blog.

Love u all

P.S. avi was sweet enough to dig out the article for here goes

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Think Pink

Cricketers worldwide have finally mustered enough courage and come out of the closet. Yes, they have openly declared their allegiance to Pink. And no, we are not talking about the music band that masquerades noise in the name of music but of the colour Pink that is so sacred to the gay community. And no, by gay we do not mean happy. So we have Mike Gatting, former England captain coming out in the open and making statements such as, “We have tried white and orange balls and perhaps pink ones will last longer. This is a very interesting and very wise development and a colour may have been found that is easier on the eye." And while the caption mentioned above is obsessing over the colour of his balls, we have the board coming up with many other suggestions to add some bling and zing to the gentleman’s game.

Taking inspiration from sports like tennis, it has been unanimously decided that even cricketers must strive to practice the principles of indecent exposure. Studies have shown that cricketers have fine legs (pun intended). Some may be short legs (pun intended again), but presented in the right light, they can be quite deadly as well. The board has therefore decided to substitute the boring pants with Pink hot shorts. And in an attempt to create the superman effect, the batsmen will now wear their protective guard over their Pink hot shorts.

Meanwhile, the board has noticed the latest trend among cricketers – that of sporting long, lustrous, wavy tresses. However, this has been found to be distracting to the opposition. Therefore, the board has made it mandatory for all cricketers with long hair to tie up their hair with red ribbons.

It has also been brought to the board’s attention by the cricketers themselves that their complexion is going for a toss. The board has therefore decided to hold all further matches in indoor stadiums. Moreover, after every four overs, there will be a make-up break. The make-up vans will roll onto the fields and the cricketers will be allowed to powder their noses.

Apart from all this, it has also been decided to inculcate the fine art of cheerleading into the sport of cricket. The extras and the substitutes touring along with the teams will be part of the cheer leading squad. Outfits for the same are being designed by the students National Institute of fashion Technology (NIFT), New Delhi.

Meanwhile, followers of the Invisible Pink Unicorn have appreciated the move of the cricket board to bring Pink into cricket and in honour of this move, have adopted cricket as their official sport. Hail the mighty Invisible Pink Unicorn.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Ghar ek mandir

no, don't get misled by the title, i have not turned into an ekta kapoor fanatic. it's just that diwali is round the corner and the queen of this blog has decided to head home for the festival season. she will be there for four days starting tomorrow. so all ye chennaites, make due note of this in your organisers and kindly visit, after making an appointment that is. and also, please not to forget the gift, the bigger the better. good things sometimes come in large packages as well.

in other news, we have been busy with bringing out our weekly newspaper. please do go check out the soft copy of it on

till then

Make way for the new gas

In a startling twist to the Indo-US nuclear deal, cabinet minister Laloo Prasad Yadav provided a solution to the current imbroglio. He proposed an idea that no true Indian would refuse. Gobar gas. Laloo Prasad Yadav has made a generous offer and agreed to donate the dung of his 5-lakh buffaloes for the manufacture of the said gas. Top energy experts have studied this plan and decided that it is foolproof. Not only does it produce more energy than would be produced by the nuclear deal, it also provides direct employment to 5 lakh families of Bihar and indirect employment to many others.

Rabri Devi, Mr. Yadav’s wife, has drafted the plan. Her children Jalebi, Rosgulla, Gulabjamun, Kajubarfi and Besan laddoo have agreed to volunteer in the execution of the plan. While Jalebi is in charge of making a huge stable in the outskirts of Patna to accommodate the buffaloes, Rosgulla will be taking care of their grazing schedule. Gulabjamun, Kajubarfi and Besan laddoo are in charge of maintaining the stable and ensuring proper hygiene. Mr. Yadav, meanwhile has graciously agreed to take care of the fodder scam.

In addition to the gobar gas idea, Ms. Mayawati has propounded a new idea. She says that there is a lot of energy that can be drawn from human flatulence. In a meeting of the Fart association of India, Ms. Mayawati addressed the issue and said that there is great potential for energy production from human farts. Animal farts too can be used. However, a separate plant will have to be set up for that.

This plan too has been studied by the energy commission and is said to be feasible. It has been proposed that fart collection machines will be set up at all street corners. All the public has to do is go to the machine, place their posterior in the place meant for it and produce as explosive farts as possible. Ms. Mayawati has personally assured to contribute 12 farts a day. She says that all her party officials will be doing the same. The fart machines connected to the main plant. A tube will connect the machine to the plant and the gas will pass through these tubes.

Studies are being made to extract energy from burps and hiccups as well. At the rate it is progressing, India might soon be claim itself to be a self-reliant energy-producing nation. Considering that it has a population of over one billion, very soon, we might be able to export energy drawn from flatulence as well. So lets begin this noble venture with a prayer to the Gods of fart. Until then, have fun and keep farting.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Can't think of a title

I must admit it has been a long vacation. Thing is, it's pretty cold out here in Bangalore, so i went into hibernation. And no, the Sun is not out already. It's just that i got bored of the hole in the ground behind the hostel that has served as my home for the past three months. One, the hole was mighty claustrophobic. Two, a family of rats moved in next door and kept offering me Cheddar cheese everyday. Now, i couldn't say no to it as it would sound rude and consequently i have been afflicted by cheesoexcessia (Cheese overdose). Hence my decision to return to human civilization.

On my return, i found out that my blog has actually been missed. OMG!!! Deluge of tears of joy..Muchos thanks to avi, abbulgadu and itika for asking me to revive my blog. Don't worry, CPR has been administered to thee blog and revival is in progress. Attempts will be made to keep it active on a thrice-a-week basis.

Returning to life in the claustrophobic hole, i must say that life without human contact has been wonderful. With only big black ants, millipedes and centipedes to keep me company, i have had much time to think. I shall dispense the wisdom i have gained in the coming posts, so do visit regularly.

Meanwhile, hostelites have updated me with the latest happenings in the hostel. I must admit that i made nocturnal visits top the hostel to satiate my appetite for palak paneer. Anyhow, rumour has it that people are "DOING IT" in the terrace. Now don't ask me what IT is. If you are a well-educated being who has paid attention in your biology classes, you would know.

Halloween party was held. The dress code was black. Most painted their faces to resemble devils, though i would say it was a collosal waste of make-up for they look like that even otherwise.

In other news, it has been learnt that people at home are also missing me. So a visit is due this diwali. Any chennaites reading this blog, please to note that i am arriving on the 7th night by Shatabdi. Anyone who comes to the station to receive me with a garland of skulls will be duly honoured by having an entire post dedicated to them on this blog. So please to go ahead with killing 17 politicians whose heads will adorn the garland.

The clock strikes nine and it is time for your favourite blogger to depart. She would like to inform you all that she will not keep her earlier promises of blogging unless she sees prompt comments by her respected readers. so make haste.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Smile! You're on Candid Camera

Imagine this. It’s a lazy Sunday morning. You are sitting in front of your LG Flatron with a hot, steaming cup of coffee in your hand. The images on the television are grainy. You can just about make out that it is a five-star hotel of sorts. You wonder why it looks vaguely familiar. But your mind is too groggy to recognize it. The camera zooms into a well-manicured hand. The nails are painted with what appears to be your favourite shade of Elle 18 nail paint – turquoise blue. The hand is twitching.

Next scene. You see a face – not the whole of it but just the lower half. The hand reaches up and the turquoise blue painted fingernail discreetly enters the right nostril. It searches for the elusive treasure of gold hidden near the olfactory gland. Bingo! The hand has struck a gold mine. Just as discreetly as before, the gold is extracted and safely deposited on the underside of the dining table.

Next scene. The guests at the table have finally devoured their meals. It’s time to shake hands and bid sweet adieu. The camera traces the handshakes of the well-manicured hand. Finally, the camera pans out and the face comes into focus. At this very moment, you suffer your first ever cardiac arrest. The face staring at you is the very same face that you so lovingly admire every morning in your bathroom mirror. You are the gold-digger.

You get a flash back of the days when you sorely hoped for your fifteen minutes of fame. Little did you imagine it would turn out to be fifteen minutes of shame.

Welcome to EN TV – We provide you Entertaining News. Every news bulletin is in fact a compilation of riveting candid camera sequences. It could be your neigbour today, and you could be the star tomorrow.

Last evening, were you the one offering your homage to Mother Nature (read peeing into the lake)? Ahem, it must have been too dark for you to notice the camera hidden in the bushes. But worry not for tomorrow, the whole nation will gleefully witness the momentous occasion.

Did I hear you murmur about invasion of privacy? Didn’t you know that privacy is now a redundant term? Today, everyone is a public figure and your singing in the precincts of your bathroom could make for breaking news. So what if you happen to be more nasal than Himesh Reshamiyya.

So all ye propounders of privacy protection, brace yourselves. For you are now entering an era where the coriander stuck between your teeth is the headlines for the day.