Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Make way for the new gas

In a startling twist to the Indo-US nuclear deal, cabinet minister Laloo Prasad Yadav provided a solution to the current imbroglio. He proposed an idea that no true Indian would refuse. Gobar gas. Laloo Prasad Yadav has made a generous offer and agreed to donate the dung of his 5-lakh buffaloes for the manufacture of the said gas. Top energy experts have studied this plan and decided that it is foolproof. Not only does it produce more energy than would be produced by the nuclear deal, it also provides direct employment to 5 lakh families of Bihar and indirect employment to many others.

Rabri Devi, Mr. Yadav’s wife, has drafted the plan. Her children Jalebi, Rosgulla, Gulabjamun, Kajubarfi and Besan laddoo have agreed to volunteer in the execution of the plan. While Jalebi is in charge of making a huge stable in the outskirts of Patna to accommodate the buffaloes, Rosgulla will be taking care of their grazing schedule. Gulabjamun, Kajubarfi and Besan laddoo are in charge of maintaining the stable and ensuring proper hygiene. Mr. Yadav, meanwhile has graciously agreed to take care of the fodder scam.

In addition to the gobar gas idea, Ms. Mayawati has propounded a new idea. She says that there is a lot of energy that can be drawn from human flatulence. In a meeting of the Fart association of India, Ms. Mayawati addressed the issue and said that there is great potential for energy production from human farts. Animal farts too can be used. However, a separate plant will have to be set up for that.

This plan too has been studied by the energy commission and is said to be feasible. It has been proposed that fart collection machines will be set up at all street corners. All the public has to do is go to the machine, place their posterior in the place meant for it and produce as explosive farts as possible. Ms. Mayawati has personally assured to contribute 12 farts a day. She says that all her party officials will be doing the same. The fart machines connected to the main plant. A tube will connect the machine to the plant and the gas will pass through these tubes.

Studies are being made to extract energy from burps and hiccups as well. At the rate it is progressing, India might soon be claim itself to be a self-reliant energy-producing nation. Considering that it has a population of over one billion, very soon, we might be able to export energy drawn from flatulence as well. So lets begin this noble venture with a prayer to the Gods of fart. Until then, have fun and keep farting.


Tifossi said...
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bunkr said...

Rosgulla, Gulabjamun, Kajubarfi and Besan laddoo, etc are names of her sisters, not children... And I am serious.
Good to see you back from hibernation though...